For the first time since the tragic loss of his former bandmate, Louis Tomlinson has opened up about the profound impact Liam Payne’s death has had on his life, his music, and his perspective on friendship, fatherhood, and fame. In a deeply personal interview on Steven Bartlett’s popular podcast, The Diary Of A CEO, released October 9, 2025, the 33-year-old singer offered candid reflections on grief, love, and moving forward after a year that changed everything.
Tomlinson, who found worldwide fame as a member of One Direction alongside Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, and Liam Payne, recounted the moment he learned of Payne’s passing. "In the car, in LA. I found out through Niall," he told Bartlett, according to BBC. Payne, age 31, died on October 16, 2024, after falling from a third-floor balcony at the Casa Sur Hotel in Buenos Aires, Argentina. The post-mortem report confirmed he died of multiple traumas and “internal and external haemorrhage.”
The news, Tomlinson revealed, struck a painfully familiar chord. "I had the same feeling that I had with Felicite," he said, referencing his younger sister, who died from an accidental drug overdose in 2019. “I think anyone has this when they’re around someone who’s struggling; my 150 per cent wasn’t nearly enough. And that’s when it’s my own arrogance thinking that I could have helped really, because it was so much deeper than what I could have done for him. He was definitely struggling at that time in his life.” (Sky News)
Tomlinson’s grief was immediate and public. At the time, he shared an Instagram post expressing that he was “beyond devastated” to have “lost a brother.” Now, reflecting on that moment, he told Bartlett, “When I put up my post about him, I really wanted him to be remembered the way that he should be remembered. I could just go on and talk all day about how amazing he was, but I think we all looked up to him.”
It’s clear that Payne’s influence on the group was significant. Tomlinson described their relationship as the closest to being like brothers, noting, “To be honest, that would only happen between me and Liam. Between me and the other boys, not that it’s not emotional because it is, and it’s definitely deeper than surface level, but I would struggle to text the other boys as much... it’s just all a bit small talk. Which is lovely, and it’s nice to catch up like that, but me and Liam would always speak on a much deeper level. I feel bad saying this because I feel arrogant, but I shouldn’t, but I wanted to look after him. That was a role I felt like I was there to play.”
The loss of Payne has left an indelible mark on Tomlinson’s outlook, especially regarding the possibility of a One Direction reunion—a prospect Payne had reportedly championed. “Never say never… but I’m just not sure it would be right to (Payne),” Tomlinson admitted on the podcast. “Say for the sake of argument, 25 years’ time, it’s like a f****** Oasis thing, they offer us an arm and a leg, and they’re like, ‘Come back and do this many shows’, I don’t know. (Payne’s death) just completely put a pin in all of that. And the irony is, there was no one campaigning for One Direction to get back more than Liam. I would say I came in a close second.”
Tomlinson’s reflections come at a pivotal moment in his personal and professional life. Following his split from longtime partner Eleanor Calder and the birth of his son Freddie at age 24, Tomlinson has weathered both public scrutiny and private heartbreak. Yet, in the wake of Payne’s death and after years of grappling with “imposter syndrome,” he says he’s finally found a sense of peace and self-acceptance. “I now feel worthy for the success I’ve earned. For a long time, I just didn’t know if I’d ever get there. And I would say this album is the album that I always deserved to make. I just had to be brave enough to say ‘Yes, I’m an artist. Yes, I’m a recording artist, I’m a touring artist, and I’m a songwriter.’ These things that sometimes just felt a bit cringe to say out loud, weirdly, I think part of the imposter syndrome maybe, but the picture that was forever quite blurry looks a little bit more sharp now.”
Much of this newfound confidence, Tomlinson admits, is rooted in his relationship with Zara McDermott, the BBC documentary maker and former Love Island contestant. The couple, first spotted together in Suffolk in March 2025 after McDermott’s split from Sam Thompson, have largely kept their romance private. However, this summer, McDermott posted their first public photo together on Instagram, a move Tomlinson embraced by commenting simply, “I love you.”
He credits McDermott and their intense connection as the inspiration behind his upcoming album, How Did I Get Here?, set for release in January 2026. “I’m a deeply, deeply romantic person. It’s also easy to be romantic when you are a creative... I really struggle to write in a fictional sense, I really struggle. For me, I have to have been living it, it has to be real to me. So, if I wasn’t feeling so good, like right now, I wasn’t feeling so in love… the record probably would have a slightly different feel to it.”
Tomlinson elaborated on the personal growth that has shaped his latest work: “One thing I was thinking about with this record, my intention is just to maybe feel good. I know that’s a really cliché and obvious thing to say, but I’m not sure some of my other music did that. It made you feel, it was honest, it was painful at times, but it didn’t feel good. So, I think now I’ve got this almost new sense of life, a new sense of happiness, and purpose, and fulfilment, all those things.”
McDermott has become a visible presence in Tomlinson’s life, supporting him at New York’s Away From Home Festival in October 2025, where he headlined, and joining him at her first Glastonbury festival this summer. For Tomlinson, the relationship has been transformative, providing both the joy and stability he’s long sought.
Fatherhood remains another anchor. Tomlinson reflected, “I was 24 when I had Freddie... I never was intimidated by the idea, I’ve always been excited about it, even from being a young lad. A lot of the emotions that people go through when they’ve become a new parent, some of those will be different for me because I was so excited about the day, but also truthfully, I felt utterly confident. I felt like I was going to be a good dad, I really, really wanted to play that role.” He’s fiercely protective of his son, adding, “I’d like to say I’m pretty good with fan photos, I’ll take them eight times out of 10. But whenever I’m with Freddie, there is a 1000 per cent no chance, that is just not happening.”
As Tomlinson’s interview premiered at select Cineworld cinemas—including London’s Leicester Square—on October 8, and the podcast episode became available on streaming platforms the following morning, fans and the wider public were offered a rare, unfiltered glimpse into the heart and mind of an artist shaped by love, loss, and resilience. Through pain and triumph, Tomlinson’s journey continues—one defined by honesty, vulnerability, and an unwavering commitment to those he loves.
