Parents are increasingly worried about how their own anger can influence their children, especially as children navigate their emotions during their formative years. A recent survey by the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital reveals alarming statistics about parents' concerns—12% fear their child's anger could lead to long-term issues.
Tantrums over misplaced toys, meltdowns sparked by sibling rivalry, and outbursts triggered by screen-time restrictions are all part of the daily struggles faced by parents of young children. Yet, these displays of emotion sometimes feel more troubling than just fleeting phases. The Mott Poll, which surveyed over 1,000 parents of children aged 6 to 12, sheds light on the issue by probing parents' perspectives about their children's anger.
Many parents echoed their worries about the examples they set; 70% admitted to modeling poor anger management themselves. Sarah Clark, who is the codirector of the Mott Poll and also works as a research scientist in pediatrics at the University of Michigan, has addressed the societal backdrop to these feelings. She notes, “There seems to be a lot of public displays of anger by adults...and whether it’s seeing it from their own parent or witnessing it from another adult, those are bad examples of how to manage your anger and frustration.”
It’s not just about the tantrums. Sarah explains the various challenges kids face each year. “What happens for most kids is every year creates new challenges,” she affirms, noting factors such as having to deal with frustrating situations at school or conflicts with peers. Indeed, making sense of these emotional ups and downs can be tough not just for the kids but for the parents trying to guide them through it.
Recognizing their own role, many parents are seeking strategies to help both themselves and their children handle these emotional flare-ups. Parenting experts suggest several methods to cultivate healthier emotional responses. For starters, they encourage open communication between parents and children about feelings. By discussing emotions regularly, children may feel more capable of expressing their feelings instead of resorting to anger.
Another valuable strategy is role modeling. Parents can demonstrate healthy ways to express frustration or anger by using “I” statements, such as “I feel upset when things don’t go my way.” This phrasing not only clarifies feelings for the child but also emphasizes the importance of communicating feelings without aggression.
It's also important for parents to practice self-regulation techniques themselves. Techniques like deep breathing, walking away to cool down, or engaging in mindfulness practices can equip parents with the tools to manage their frustration before it boils over. Larry Cohen, child psychologist and co-author of Playful Parenting, emphasizes the importance of walking the walk: “Children often mirror their parents' emotional states. If they see their parents handling frustration calmly, they're likely to adopt those coping strategies as well.”
Interestingly, some parents shared insights on creating environments where emotions can be healthily expressed. Routine check-ins about feelings during family meals or before bedtime allow space for kids to discuss their day and any frustrations they may have encountered. Eliciting emotions through family discussions can demystify feelings and promote emotional literacy.
Experts also stress the fine line parents must walk between allowing children to feel anger and teaching them to manage it. Clarke explains, “It's healthy for kids to feel anger – it’s part of human emotion. The goal is to help them channel it positively.” This involves guiding children to recognize anger as merely one of many emotions, not something to suppress nor fully indulge.
When parents feel overwhelmed, they might find activities like art, music, or sports serve as powerful outlets for both themselves and their children. Engaging creativity through drawing or playing music can provide children with ways to express their feelings instead of projecting them onto others.
For parents who may still struggle to find ways to handle their own emotions, the Poll even highlights the benefits of seeking outside support—be it through parenting workshops, therapy, or community groups. Connecting with others can present new strategies and alleviating pressure to manage parenting challenges alone.
Returning to Clark’s insights, she points to the importance of discussing societal influences on children’s anger, which may impact parental anxiety over their own anger management. “There’s this backdrop of adults exhibiting anger publicly, which creates both stress and confusion for children,” she remarks. To combat this, parents can proactively engage their kids with discussions about what they see in the world, helping them build resilience and comprehension around anger.
That said, this topic is not without its complexity. Emotions are nuanced, and what works for one family may not fit another. The individuality of each child plays just as significant of a role—what comforts one may unsettle another. Nevertheless, Clark maintains, “Fostering open dialogue, emotional expression through activities, and setting good examples can significantly diminish parental anxiety around children’s anger.”
Through strategies involving mindfulness, encouragement of creative expression, and approaching the topic of anger openly, parents can take actionable steps toward breaking the cycles of mismanagement. Monitoring one’s own expressions helps to create a healthier emotional environment for children both at home and beyond.
With experts offering encouragement, it is clear these difficulties are common and manageable with some intention and the right tools at hand. Teaching children not just to deal with their anger but to express it appropriately can set them on paths toward emotional intelligence and stability. After all, acknowledging feelings is the first step toward managing them effectively, and it’s never too late to start the conversation.
