Joan Rivers carved out a unique space for herself within the comedy world, famously intertwining humor with sharp critiques of everything and everyone around her. Her 2012 book, I Hate Everyone… Starting with Me, showcases this talent, giving readers 260 pages filled with Franfractious observations and jaded humor.
Rivers didn’t shy away from making her feelings known—as she once put it, “I hate everyone, starting with me.” Those words set the stage for her brutal honesty and unfiltered disdain for societal norms, including how we celebrate celebrity culture.
Throughout her career, Rivers developed her distinctive voice by intentionally ruffling feathers, especially with the stars of Hollywood. Among those whom she humorously slashed was Tom Cruise, about whom she famously quipped, “No 5-foot-8 man, not even one who lives on a diet of Ritalin and gin, is happy like this all the time,” portraying him as someone who wears a constant, overly cheerful facade.
Then there's Goldie Hawn, who received her share of Rivers’ vocal brickbats. Rivers remarked, “Goldie Hawn came up to a friend of mine one day and said, ‘Can you believe I’m a grandmother?’ The answer is: Yes! You’re 66 fucking years old; you could be a great-grandmother. Laugh-In was 50 years ago. Move on.” It’s clear here how Rivers took jabs at the aging process, not hesitating to call out someone for what might present as narcissistic disbelief about the passage of time.
Christian Bale wasn’t spared either. Rivers said, “I hate Christian Bale. This is nothing personal. I hate all men named Christian.” The absurdity of her disdain is coupled with tongue-in-cheek humor—a trademark style of hers.
Rivers also didn’t hold back when it came to commenting on figures like Deepak Chopra, asserting, “He’s written the same fucking book 35 times, and these dopes who buy them still can’t find their inner serenity.” It’s the brutal truth, delivered with caustic wit, as she connected consumer culture with the quest for inner peace.
Mickey Rooney was another target; Rivers described him as “very unsettling,” humorously pointing out his inexplicable success without any visible growth, saying, “He stayed the same exact size his entire life. I hate this. Think of the money he’s saved on sweaters alone.”
Young Macauley Culkin was called out, too. Rivers remarked, “Macauley’s not much more than 30, and already he’s been married, divorced, had a house fire and made three comebacks. I have one word for this: neeeeedy.” Rivers unflinchingly peeled back layers of the celebrity experience, exposing its vulnerabilities.
The Olsen Twins and their business acumen didn’t get past her humor either. “Those two girls have not a shred of talent or a brain cell between them, and yet, they’ve become billionaires. I love them. I respect them. I envy them. I especially like the one with the eating disorder,” Rivers remarked, packing her sharp criticism with both awe and disdain.
At one point, Rivers seemed exasperated by Betty White, exclaiming, “It’s high time someone pushed Betty White in front of a train because I’m sick and tired of losing the ‘sassy grandma’ roles to her.” This absurdly dark humor painted White in the light of competition rather than admiration, reflecting much of how Rivers approached her craft.
Paul McCartney’s status as the ‘cute’ Beatle received Rivers’ scorn, as she balanced humor with truth, stating, “Paul was the ‘cute’ Beatle, but in all honesty, I could be the cutest Beatle, and I can’t sing, dance or play an instrument.” It caricatured the arbitrary nature of celebrity attributes and the music industry’s standards.
Rivers even poked fun at Jennifer Aniston’s career, declaring, “She keeps making the same romantic ‘comedy’ over and over and over again, and it’s always not funny, not funny, not funny.” Humorously scything through the repetitive nature of Hollywood casting trends, Rivers pulled no punches.
Lastly, she couldn’t resist commenting on Woody Allen's controversial marriage to Soon-Yi, even speculating humorously, “What I think about is before Woody proposed to Soon-Yi, did he ask himself for her hand in marriage?” Rivers’ remarks here encapsulated her ability to dissect intimacy and relational dynamics within celebrity culture.
Joan Rivers’ unique blend of humor and criticism has endeared her to many, creating waves of laughter and thought-provoking moments throughout her career. Through her stinging insights, she carved out not just comedic triumphs but also shone light on the eccentricities inherent within fame—a complex interplay of adoration, envy, and outright disdain.