Elon Musk has recently found himself mired in controversy following what some have deemed his alarming rightward shift and actions reminiscent of hate symbols. His on-stage salute, which many perceived to be akin to a Nazi salute during Donald Trump's inauguration event, has ignited public outrage and raised complex questions about the responsibilities of those associated with him. The fallout has particularly involved women connected to Musk, especially his ex-partner Grimes and his daughter Vivian Wilson, highlighting the broader societal expectation often placed on women to denounce the actions of their male counterparts.
On the day marking Trump's inauguration, Musk took the stage and expressed his gratitude with the words, "Thank you for making it happen," before performing the salute. He repeated the gesture, saying, "My heart goes out to you." This left many critics aghast, including the Anti-Defamation League, which labeled the gesture as the "most common white supremacist hand sign in the world." While Musk faced significant backlash, he remained unrepentant, asserting his critics needed "better dirty tricks" to discredit him.
Grimes, who shares three children with Musk—Æ A-Xii, Exa Dark Sidreræl, and Techo Mechanicus—was quick to distance herself from the negativity and defend herself from the backlash aimed at her due to Musk's actions. Taking to social media, she addressed the uproar directly, stating, "It’s absurd to be cancelled for something their ex did before they even heard it happened. I am not him. I will not make a statement every time he does something." Grimes emphasized the emotional toll such association has taken on her, especially concerning her children’s wellbeing.
Grimes insisted her silence toward Musk’s behavior wasn’t acquiescence but rather self-preservation and dedication to her children's welfare. She elaborated, “I could go and talk shit and be on a bunch of magazine covers and be a feminist hero and get clout – but it would serve no purpose.” Her statement underscored her frustration over being unfairly judged for Musk’s actions, reinforcing the discussion of societal expectations for women.
Vivian Wilson, Musk's 21-year-old daughter and outspoken advocate for trans rights, added her voice to the conversation, hinting at her disdain for her father’s actions without directly naming him. Vivian wrote on Threads, "Let’s call a spade a f*cking spade. Especially if there were two spades done in succession based on the reaction of the first spade." Her comments carry heavy significance; they not only imply her condemnation of her father's actions but also reflect her complicated relationship with him.
Musk’s history of statements, particularly surrounding gender identity and his daughter, has created substantial friction. He once referred to Vivian's identity as being 'dead,' causing her to sever ties with him as she sought to assert her identity free from his oppressive views. Both Grimes and Vivian’s responses to Musk’s actions raise questions about the pressure on women to explain or justify the behavior of men who hold power and privilege.
This dynamic of ‘guilty by association’ isn’t limited to Grimes and Vivian. Historically, women like Billie Piper and Georgina Chapman have dealt with similar fallout from their relationships with men accused of serious misconduct. Piper faced constant scrutiny for her connection to Laurence Fox, who has been widely criticized for racial, homophobic, and misogynistic remarks. Chapman, after standing by Harvey Weinstein, found her reputation forever tainted after his allegations of abuse surfaced—despite her vocalizations of support for the victims.
Grimes and Vivian's defense of their estrangement from Musk runs parallel to the experiences faced by these women. They find themselves trapped under the weight of societal expectations and victimization narratives; they are often left to deny responsibility for men’s actions simply because of their ties. Critics frequently impose their beliefs on these women, asserting they should be accountable for their relationships and parenting choices, which merely amplifies the existing sexism.
Indeed, as Grimes stated, “Who you choose to associate with says something about you.” Yet, critics fail to recognize the problematic nature of these assertions—they imply women are inherently complicit rather than victims themselves of systemic power dynamics.
To extend this conversation around public perception, one must examine it critically and compassionately. Musk’s actions may perpetuate stereotypes, but the burden should not fall on Grimes or Vivian to reconcile or disavow his behavior. The responsibility for accountability rests solely on the person exhibiting the contemptible actions.
It is evident: women like Grimes and Vivian deserve to carve out their narratives free from the overshadowing judgments of their past associations. No one should be held accountable for the malfeasance of another simply by virtue of being connected or related to them. This matter calls for fierce advocacy, intersectional dialogue, and, primarily, recognition of women's independence, identity, and agency beyond the men they have known.