Carolyn Brown, an attorney in Austin, Texas, decided to flip the script on traditional wedding attire. She and her fiancé chose an “upstage the bride” dress code for their October wedding, encouraging guests to outshine the bride with extravagant outfits. Feathers, sequins, and over-the-top ensembles were warmly welcomed. “I want people to be way more dressy than I am,” Brown said. This credo signifies a broader trend within contemporary wedding planning: specialized, nontraditional dress codes that can leave guests scratching their heads.
Take Alan David Horowitz, the owner of Alan David Custom, a bespoke suit specialist in New York City, who shared that wedding apparel has taken precedence over work attire. One recent request involved crafting a custom suit for a marijuana-themed wedding. Similarly, plus-size fashion influencer Sean Taylor recollected her own unique dress codes: “Vegas vibes” and ‘Bridgerton’ inspired, which encouraged guests to channel characters from “The Sopranos” or embrace carriages and corsets from Regency-era England.
For those bamboozled by such novel mandates, fear not. Some considerate couples, like Taylor, provide Pinterest boards loaded with visuals to guide the sartorially perplexed. Custom dress codes may sound daunting, but they're often rooted in tradition. As Kerilynn Vigneau, an image consultant and wardrobe stylist, explains, codes like “wine formal,” “mountain chic,” and “desert formal” usually translate to practical tweaks based on the venue's terrain or weather conditions.
Imagine receiving an invitation bearing the label “wine formal.” It might prompt thoughts of vineyards and evening attire, but with Vigneau’s guidance, one discovers that this suggests low heels and burgundy suits that complement the scenery. Sarah Kozemburg of Sarah Kozemburg Events & Styling echoes this, noting that location and time of day can clue guests into the level of formality expected, with the rule of thumb being to err on the side of more formal.
Across the globe in Ranthambore, India, Lauren and Jackson England illustrated the 'mood board' approach to wedding attire. Their safari wedding featured a “classic heritage Ralph Lauren” dress code, shaping their guests' attire to match the environment. This detailed guidance extended from the main ceremony to pre-wedding celebrations in Jaipur with themes like “colors of India.” Nine-page wardrobe guides are not uncommon, as demonstrated at pre-wedding celebrations for Radhika Merchant and Anant Ambani, laden with themes such as “dazzling Desi romance” and “heritage Indian.”
Here in the West, Sarah Haywood, a wedding planner in London, sees these descriptive boards increasingly influencing weddings as they migrate from Asia and South Asia. Anny Choi, a stylist from New York, has witnessed a surge in requests to create mood boards aiming for cohesive looks amongst guests, who are increasingly expected to fall in line with these prescriptive dress codes. Choi delves into specifics, noting that cultural components might necessitate meticulous guidance to prevent wardrobe faux pas.
However, not everyone is aboard the mood board train. Ayushi Dalmia, an art director in Toronto, abandoned dress codes altogether for her wedding. Yet, ironically, she was bombarded with calls from baffled guests seeking a wardrobe planning document, underscoring how standard these guides have become.
The rise of quirky dress codes is more than a fashion statement; it’s about social media optics. With weddings morphing into visual feasts designed for Instagram, some couples overstep—leaving room for public shaming when guests defy their wishes. Instances abound of brides chastising guests online, labeling gifts as “disrespectful” or enforcing dress codes to the point of public ridicule. The rise of such behavior on TikTok and Reddit reveals a digital landscape where every misstep could be brutally scrutinized.
The pressure extends to gift-giving as well. Modern wedding registries often pivot towards monetary gifts, like contributions to honeymoon funds, reflecting older marrying ages. As Bryce Carson, events director at Roberts & Co. Events, elaborates, this is less a cash grab and more about smoothing life transitions. Carson emphasizes that guests are expected to honor registries to avoid duplicities.
Etiquette experts, like Lisa Mirza Grotts, urge gratitude regardless of whether gifts stick to the registry. “A gift is a present given without payment,” Grotts states. The current trend might be inflating expectations and expenses—for both hosts and guests—but it shouldn’t overshadow the celebration of love and community that weddings represent.
The dilemma of aligning guests’ wardrobes with wedding themes is apparent. While brides and grooms aim to distribute empowering guidelines to simplify it for guests, the reality sometimes manifests differently. Hannah Nowack of The Knot observes how these instructions can both lessen and increase pre-wedding stress, leading to a discordant balance between personal expression and group cohesion.
The wedding landscape is clearly changing, reflecting broader societal trends towards personalization and rampant documentation. Strategies like mood boards and themed attire are not just fashions—they’re cultural artifacts shaped by our digital age. Is it a passing fad or a new norm? Only time will tell.
It’s undeniable that while the aesthetics and norms of weddings evolve, the core intention remains love. As one wedding guest aptly put it, “Couples shouldn’t treat guests as props for their big days.” That may just be the perfect reminder that while weddings can be as colorful and orchestrated as a Broadway show, the essence of the event is shared joy and celebration. After all, when we strip away the sequins and hashtags, isn’t that what truly matters?
