GOTHAM CITY — Batman has officially traded in the Batmobile for a Tesla Cybertruck, marking a surprising and unconventional shift for the iconic hero. After watching several videos displaying the Cybertruck's incredible power and unmatched durability, Batman decided it was time for an upgrade. "Oh yeah, this is waybetter," growled Batman, expressing satisfaction with his new vehicle. "Construction is more solid, updated features. Plus, the Batmobile was a real gas-guzzler. Just awful, awful mileage. I'm extremely pleased with my purchase."
Despite initially feeling some reservations, Batman has quickly come to see the Cybertruck as a significant improvement. The transition seems timely, as several comically large bombs detonated near the vehicle without inflicting any damage. "Darn you, Cybertruck!" cried The Penguin, who watched frustratedly as his explosives detonated ineffectively.
Meanwhile, across the country at the White House, President Joe Biden made headlines of his own by awarding the Presidential Medal of Freedom to none other than Skeletor, the longstanding archenemy of He-Man. This unexpected honor reflected not only Skeletor's enduring legacy as a villain wannabe but also Biden's quixotic decision to recognize the supervillain's efforts. "For all he has done to seek vengeance on King Randor, and for his continued efforts subjugulating people through fear to gain unlimited power, we owe Skeletor a debt of gratitude," expressed Biden during the ceremonial award.
Skeletor himself responded by expressing his mixed emotions about the recognition. "Wow, what an honor," he stated, boasting about his badass reputation, before promising even more villainy with his Havoc Staff at his side. "I can't wait to crush all of you!"
Back across the pond, England was experiencing its own quirky brand of absurdity. The Metropolitan Police managed to catch and jail Edward Goulding, the man responsible for creating memes perceived as offensive to child rapists. The British police explained their enforcement of laws against such malicious mirth, stating, "Oi! Awful stuff you got here. Now, how do you think this would make you feel if you were a child rapist and you saw this? That's hate speech, and Britain won't tolerate it. Bloody bigoted of you."
Goulding’s arrest has prompted some controversial discussions, as several convicts had their probation terms rescinded as part of what appears to be reparations for the offense of making memes. He has been remanded to the famed Tower of London, where British authorities are continuing their investigations.
According to Sir Martin Attebury, one of the chief officers on the case, "Look at this horrific meme about how British police jail people over speech and decline to prosecute grooming gangs. This criminal belongs in jail, and we vow to prosecute him to the fullest extent of the law."
At publishing time, the British police were apprehending more individuals, having driven past three stabbings to arrest another person accused of producing offensively humorous content.
Thanks to clown world, it's been quite the year for comedy. Here are some of the top-performing sketches from 2024! Whether it's Batman’s eco-friendly transition to the Cybertruck, Biden’s bizarre awards, or England’s law enforcement focusing on memes, it reflects the humorous insanity prevalent today.