Every October 11, National Coming Out Day rolls around—a day that has, since its inception in 1988, encouraged LGBTQ+ individuals to share their truths and live authentically. This year, the day carried special resonance as both El-Balad and NPR invited readers to submit their personal coming out stories. The result? More than 170 heartfelt responses, each illustrating the complex, deeply personal journey that is coming out. These narratives, collected for National Coming Out Day 2025, offer not only a window into individual courage but also a roadmap for others considering a similar step.
For many, the journey begins with seeking a support system—a recurring theme echoed in stories like that of Victor Ortiz Jr. As NPR reports, Ortiz first confided in his sister at 24, after a breakup left him grappling with his identity. "I denied and injected a lie I thought would help," Ortiz admitted, recalling how he initially identified as bisexual to soften the blow for his family. His sister responded with love and encouragement, but Ortiz kept his secret from his mother for nearly two decades. At 37, after meeting his future husband Justin, he finally decided to come out to both parents. His father was accepting, while his mother has yet to reply. Ortiz’s advice rings clear: "Love yourself. Seek the support of those whom you trust and know that there is nothing wrong with you. There will always be people who hate, and it has been the case since the beginning of time due to ignorance. Please know that you matter. Do not give up. Someone somewhere loves you for who you are, just the way you are." (NPR)
Others, like Anu Gupta, emphasize the importance of extending grace not just to oneself, but to loved ones who may struggle with acceptance. Gupta, who grew up in an Indian Hindu household, came out at 28 after years of meditation and self-reflection. He described his decision as a moment when he "no longer just felt proud of being gay—instead, I felt honored to be gay." When Gupta finally told his parents during Christmas 2013, they were devastated. But the story didn’t end there. Two years ago, he proposed to his fiancé on Diwali, with his parents as witnesses and his mother helping him choose the ring. "It was a full circle moment—and it strengthens my faith in the possibility of change," Gupta told NPR. His advice? "Extend grace to your loved ones who have a difficult time with your sexuality. They have their own coming out journey... With love and patience, even the most hardened hearts can soften—my story is a prime example!"
For some, coming out can be a moment of humor and relief. Winnie Aghenu, for instance, chose April Fools’ Day to come out to her younger brother at age 17. She was nervous, unsure how he’d react, but he responded with unwavering support, telling her he loved her and didn’t want anyone breaking her heart. "As a Black, gay woman, it feels so good to be unapologetically myself! Being out has made my relationships with my friends and family stronger and allowed me to find a friend group of other queer Black women who I wouldn't have found if I weren't out," Aghenu shared with NPR. Her message to others is empowering: "Only come out when you're truly ready. Don't let whispers or anyone else force you to come out...You hold the keys to your happiness."
Yet, for many, the process is fraught with real dangers. Mel Barkalow’s story, as told to NPR and El-Balad, is a testament to the balancing act between authenticity and safety. Barkalow, 41, stopped hiding her queer identity in 2024, choosing to present as her genuine self. Living in a conservative area, she sometimes has to moderate her expression for her own safety. "I fly my pride and trans flags next to the American flag. I show myself as a safe space," she said. Barkalow’s advice is compassionate and practical: "Come out when it feels right and safe to do so. And if that is never, then that is OK, too. But do not hide it all inside. Share yourself with someone out there. Find your support network. They are the ones who will help you survive, grow, share and learn who you are."
Few stories underscore the stakes more than that of Ash Schade, a 32-year-old trans man. As a child, Schade endured conversion therapy and struggled with suicidal ideation. At 22, he survived a suicide attempt. "While dying, I thought I'd rather be honest about my life and get a second chance than die with a secret," Schade told NPR. He came out on social media, facing backlash and disbelief. "I was the prom queen, pretty girl, and people didn't want to believe it." After threats forced him and his family to move, Schade found safety in Michigan, is on a waitlist for bottom surgery, and is now raising a healthy daughter. His advice is raw and honest: "It's better to choose happiness over safety. You'll lose a lot of people and might have to start life over again. It's better now than after life has already passed." (NPR)
These stories, though varied in circumstance and outcome, share common threads: the necessity of support, the importance of self-love, and the recognition that every journey is unique. Both NPR and El-Balad highlight practical wisdom for those contemplating coming out. Seek support from trusted friends or loved ones. Be patient with yourself and those around you. Only come out when you feel ready—and safe. Prioritize your mental well-being, and remember: your journey is valid, no matter how or when it unfolds.
National Coming Out Day serves as a poignant reminder that authenticity is both a personal and collective act. For every story of immediate acceptance, there is another of gradual understanding or ongoing struggle. As these narratives show, coming out is rarely a single moment—more often, it’s a series of choices, conversations, and revelations, each one shaping a life lived more fully in the open.
For those struggling with their mental health or contemplating suicide, resources are available: the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline can be reached by dialing or texting 988 for immediate help. In the end, these stories offer hope and solidarity, reminding us that while the road may be difficult, no one has to walk it alone.
