For fans of BBC’s Strictly Come Dancing, the glitz and glamour on stage often mask the intense dynamics behind the scenes. Yet, every so often, a backstage clash bubbles to the surface, capturing the public’s imagination. Few have been as talked about as the fallout between Brendan Cole, one of the show’s original professionals, and Shirley Ballas, who stepped in as head judge in 2017. Years after the incident that allegedly led to Cole’s departure, both have spoken publicly, offering their perspectives on what really happened—and why it still resonates in the world of televised dance.
Brendan Cole, a New Zealand-born ballroom dancer, had been a fixture on Strictly Come Dancing since its launch in 2004. His departure in 2018, after 14 years, raised eyebrows and prompted speculation. The official reason? Allegations that Cole was “difficult to work with.” But as Cole himself revealed in multiple interviews at the time, the real story seemed far more complicated.
Speaking on ITV’s Lorraine in 2018, Cole described his shock and disappointment at being let go. “I was in shock,” he admitted, adding, “I’m quite emotional and a bit raw about it. I’m very disappointed.” According to Cole, the decision was presented to him as an “editorial” one, rather than a disciplinary measure. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that a rift with Shirley Ballas, who had recently taken over as head judge from Len Goodman, may have played a part in his exit.
In a candid interview with the Daily Mail, Cole suggested that the seeds of discord were sown during a live critique. Ballas had offered feedback on a tango he performed with Good Morning Britain star Charlotte Hawkins. Cole, feeling protective of his partner and the effort they had put in, responded with the phrase, “I will, my dear,” when Ballas suggested he re-watch the tango. He later admitted, “The phrase ‘my dear’ is patronising and I certainly didn’t mean to be. I’m not a patronising person.”
He went on to explain, “But I’d just done a dance live on air with Charlotte, who I really care about. You want the best for her. You want to stay in the show and you know you’re vulnerable because you’re certainly not one of the best couples.” Cole was quick to clarify that he “didn’t get aggressive” during the exchange, but acknowledged that he disagreed with Ballas’s critique. Fellow judge Bruno Tonioli, he said, advised him to be “more respectful.”
Reflecting on the incident, Cole said, “If I could work it out, I would. All I know is you can’t put a foot wrong. You can’t even dip a toe on the other side within that world because it will be taken, it will be run with, and before long you’re in a sstorm.” For Cole, the phrase was a slip—one he regretted—but it became emblematic of the high-stakes, high-pressure environment of Strictly, where even a minor misstep could have outsized consequences.
Seven years later, Shirley Ballas offered her own take on the saga in her 2025 book, Best Foot Forward. Far from seeing the “my dear” moment as an isolated incident, Ballas described a pattern of skepticism and undermining behavior from Cole, dating back to before she even took her place on the judging panel. She wrote, “When [It Takes Two] host Zoe Ball asked him if all the pros were going to be ‘desperate to impress’ me, he pompously fired back that it was me who should be looking to impress them because they’d all been there much longer. That set the tone, and he paved the way to disaster from there.”
Ballas suggested that Cole’s attitude may have been influenced by his own ambitions. She believed he had auditioned for the head judge role himself, and that his subsequent remarks and actions were colored by disappointment. “Brendan was trying anything and everything to put me down,” Ballas alleged, “but it all exploded in week three of the competition with the ‘my dear’ incident.”
The dispute between Ballas and Cole, though rooted in a single televised exchange, was in fact the culmination of weeks—if not years—of professional tension. Ballas’s account paints Cole as someone who struggled to adapt to a new authority, while Cole’s version highlights the pressures and vulnerabilities felt by pros who are constantly under public and professional scrutiny.
What’s striking is how both parties, years later, still feel compelled to explain their side. Cole’s regret over his wording is palpable, as is his sense of injustice at how quickly things spiraled. Ballas, for her part, frames the incident as symptomatic of a broader resistance to change within the show’s ranks. Their recollections serve as a reminder that even in the world of entertainment, workplace dynamics and human emotions play a powerful role.
The fallout also raises broader questions about the culture of reality television. How much room is there for dissent or disagreement behind the scenes? Is there space for strong personalities, or does the format demand total conformity? Cole’s experience suggests that the margin for error is razor-thin. As he put it, “You can’t put a foot wrong. You can’t even dip a toe on the other side within that world because it will be taken, it will be run with, and before long you’re in a sstorm.”
Meanwhile, Ballas’s reflections hint at the challenges of stepping into a leadership role in a well-established institution. Her sense that some professionals were “trying anything and everything” to undermine her authority speaks to the difficulties of winning over a team with deep loyalties and their own ambitions.
As for where things stand now, both have moved on to new ventures. Ballas continues to judge on Strictly Come Dancing and remains a prominent figure in the world of dance. She was scheduled to appear on BBC One’s Saturday Kitchen Live on January 10, 2026, from 9:45am to 11:15am—a sign that her star power remains undimmed. Cole, meanwhile, has charted his own path, but his legacy on Strictly endures, both for his dancing and for the controversy that marked his exit.
Ultimately, the saga serves as a fascinating case study in the complexities of televised competition, professional rivalry, and the enduring power of words—intended or otherwise. For viewers at home, it’s a reminder that the real drama isn’t always on the dance floor.
