Hundreds of adoptive parents across the United Kingdom have come forward to share deeply personal accounts of their struggles to secure adequate support for their adopted children, as calls intensify for comprehensive, lifelong assistance. The BBC reports that a remarkable outpouring of stories followed its recent investigation revealing that more than 1,000 adopted children had been returned to care over a five-year period. The volume and urgency of these accounts have amplified demands from charities and advocacy groups for a government review and permanent funding for therapy, underscoring the immense strain on the current adoption support system.
For many adoptive families, the journey is marked by hope but also by profound challenges that extend far beyond the initial years after placement. Parents describe battling not only the effects of early trauma on their children but also a system that too often leaves them feeling isolated, blamed, and unsupported. The BBC highlights Mina’s story—a mother who, along with her husband, adopted her son Leighton at the age of three after he was removed from his birth mother as a toddler. Despite their best efforts, Leighton struggled throughout his life with mental health issues and addiction, ultimately dying at 26 from liver failure due to alcoholism.
“He turned all this pain inside, like I’m not worthy, I’m not lovable,” Mina told the BBC, reflecting on her son’s lifelong distress over his adoption. She recalled that even as a four-year-old, Leighton experienced “deep depression,” but her concerns were repeatedly dismissed by social workers, who instead blamed the family for his difficulties. As he grew older, Leighton’s struggles escalated to self-harm, drug use, and alcohol abuse. Mina’s experience is far from unique—she was one of 700 people who contacted the BBC in response to its reporting, many of whom described similar battles to access help and a pervasive sense of being blamed for their children’s emotional and behavioral challenges.
The charity Adoption UK has responded to the groundswell of parental testimony by urging England’s children’s minister to secure permanent funding for therapy and to launch a broader review of adoption support services. According to the BBC, Adoption UK emphasized that “adoptive parents do an incredible job providing a loving and supportive home” but that systemic reforms are needed to ensure families do not face these struggles alone.
Dr. Carol Homden, CEO of the children’s charity Coram, echoed these concerns, telling the BBC, “It’s shocking to discover again that adoptive parents are experiencing blame as the first response when they seek help. That should never be the case.” Dr. Homden stressed that while adoption remains a vital and generally successful part of the care system, “we need to recognize that [adopted children] will need potential support for life and ensure that our services are there in a timely and sufficient way.” Coram, which also runs the largest body representing children’s social workers (CoramBAAF), has joined the call for a comprehensive review of adoption support, insisting, “We must get this right for the children at the heart of this.”
Parental testimonies reveal a consistent pattern—initial post-adoption support may be available, but it frequently diminishes just as the most complex issues begin to surface, often during adolescence or early adulthood. According to national reports, families describe difficulties with attachment disorders, identity crises, and a heightened vulnerability to mental health problems, including severe anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Many adopted children arrive in their new homes carrying the scars of early adversity—neglect, abuse, or multiple foster placements—leading to developmental trauma that demands specialized, long-term therapeutic intervention.
James (not his real name), another parent who spoke to the BBC, recounted adopting a child with severe foetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD). As his son grew older, violent behaviors emerged—behaviors that James says social services staff were ill-equipped to handle due to a lack of training in FASD. “We took on a child knowing there’d be issues. We didn’t expect everything to go perfectly because it doesn’t. But when you ask for help, they need to help,” James said. Ultimately, he felt compelled to arrange for his son to be accommodated in care again, a decision that left his family feeling “heavily blamed” and cut off from their child. “We were literally removed from his life. They were more bothered on him seeing family pets than step-siblings,” James added.
The BBC notes that some parents have received effective support, which has made a transformative difference. Emma and her husband Geoff adopted their daughter at nearly six years old, and thanks to a local authority partnership with the specialist therapy provider Family Futures, they accessed family therapy tailored to adoption. “They understood that adoption and therapy need to go together,” Emma said. “When we asked for some help they were very keen to give it. They realized if they don’t do it now, things get worse, children go back to care and it all falls apart.” Geoff reflected on the long journey: “It took about 10 years of seeing a therapist, on and off, before our daughter trusted us. Without that support, I can’t see how she would have been able to achieve as much as she has now.” Their daughter, now 21, lives independently in supported accommodation and maintains a strong relationship with her parents.
Yet, as national advocacy groups point out, these positive stories are the exception rather than the rule. According to recent reports, the current support system is widely criticized for its fragmentation and chronic underfunding. Services are often time-limited, with long waiting lists and a shortage of professionals trained in adoption-specific trauma. The transition from child to adult mental health services is especially fraught, with many young adults falling through the cracks. The financial burden of private therapy, when public services fall short, is another source of stress and inequity for families.
Experts in child development and mental health consistently argue that the effects of early trauma can echo throughout an adopted individual’s life, requiring a paradigm shift in how support is structured. Advocacy groups are campaigning for dedicated funding streams, mandatory training for professionals on attachment and trauma, and a national framework for lifelong post-adoption support. They emphasize that support should be continuous and adaptable, encompassing therapeutic interventions, educational resources, peer support networks, and access to identity-affirming services.
The government, for its part, has acknowledged the vital role of adoptive parents and stated that “support is in place to keep families together where possible.” However, many families and charities contend that these measures fall short of what’s needed. Coram’s Dr. Homden summed up the prevailing sentiment: “When children have been removed from their birth families for their own protection, we need to recognize that they will need potential support for life and ensure that our services are there in a timely and sufficient way.”
The emotional and financial toll on adoptive families is immense, with burnout, stress, and isolation common as parents exhaust every avenue to secure help for their children. The stories shared by Mina, James, Emma, and Geoff—and hundreds of others—highlight the urgent need for a more empathetic and effective support system, one that recognizes adoption as a lifelong journey rather than a one-time event.
As the debate continues, one thing is clear: the voices of adoptive families are growing louder, demanding a future in which no child or parent is left to navigate these challenges alone.
